Emdloti Appreciation Post

About a week ago, I spent the weekend with my best friend at a chalet on the shore of Emdloti  beach.

Okay, it was the shore, the road and THEN the chalet. Still though, this place is probably one of the most underrated places. The beach is several shades of blue, super clean and quiet. There's a centre a walk away from the chalets with a coffee shop overlooking the beach.

The best part about the chalet's position was the constant sound of crashing waves and the view of the beach. Watching the sun rise after Fajr was a must, even if we stayed up till 2 am watching Bollywood movies.

The one thing I'd missed, though, were the dolphins swimming past where we were staying. Pretty bummed about that. But I guess it gives me a reason to holiday there again.

"... teach your sons how to behave."

This is an issue which is pretty close to my heart. Rape is an problem that haunts women across the globe. It is an act of gender violence, a crime, violation and quite frankly, not enough is being done to stop it. 

Last week a Bengali woman, by the order of her village council, was gang raped  for falling in love with a man from outside her village and not being able to pay the fine for doing so. This, after a series of violent sex crimes against women plagued India. 

South Africa's record isn't any better. Two weeks ago, a 9 year old girl was raped and then set alight. She was found alive by members of her community and was able to identify the man who later appeared in court. The community was outraged, and rightly so. With a justice system that is clearly failing the safety of South African women, do you blame communities for wanting to engage in mob justice?

I think one of the things that annoys me is the reaction towards rape. It's similar with most cases: A woman is raped, there's a huge uproar and then it fizzles out. No one thinks about the post-traumatic stress that she or her family has to endure. It happens all the time. Clearly angry outbursts are not causing any change, because the rape statistics are getting worse. A woman is more likely to be raped than learn to read in South Africa.

Another thing that bothers me is the justice system and how so many rapists get away with their actions because there is not enough proof. Then, as in the case of the 16 year old Indian girl, they further harass and even murder their victim. It is because of such things that women are less likely to report rape.

Last year, I'd written an essay about rape, summing up a few ideas that leaders in our country can implement in order to overcome and prevent rape in the future. It was written for a "Future Leaders" type of competition, so please excuse the register:

“Don’t keep your daughters indoors; teach your sons how to behave”

According to current statistics, South Africa is currently ranked second in the world as the country with the highest number of rapes and is soon to take over the number one spot from the United States of America. Statistics also show that a woman is more likely to be raped than educated in South Africa. Women play an essential role in the economic and social growth in this country and such circumstances is poison to our future growth and gender equality. This disease can only be prevented if we get to the core of the issue. Increasing physical measures can only assist to a certain degree in reducing the number of rapes, but that kind of security does not cover rapes that occur inside homes, committed by once trusted people. The core of the issue lies in the attitude of humanity towards such behaviour.

It is often a misconception that rape is driven only by certain basic desires of a human being; however, the act of rape is stemmed from a psychological need for power. Rapists exercise their power over the victim by going against their will. This is precisely the attitude that needs to change. More often than not, the perpetrator has experienced a certain lack of power in another aspect of their life – be it in the work or domestic environment. At times incidences from ones childhood, abuse being a key example, may only affect a person later on in life. All these are linked to the psyche, and the clear, yet often undermined solution, lies here. Social workers and counsellors are the most underrated and undermined professionals in this country, generally earning less than teachers. Their training lies in assisting a person to come to terms with their situations or past situations. Once a person has come to terms with their experiences in a logical but understanding manner, they are able to move on from it and not allow such negativity to affect their futures. Hence, it is clear that counselling and social work is an effective antidote to the psychological poison created in the minds of people. What we, as future leaders, can do is to ensure that the money we intend for Corporate Social Welfare is injected into the right projects. Rural schools cannot afford a school counsellor and there are children who are in need of counselling. By paying the salary of a social worker of a rural school, we take a step in preventing the future of this country from being consumed by negative psychological desires.

Another attitude that needs to change is the one of little understanding and a lack of compassion by citizens. Rape has become so rife in our country, that when we hear about new cases we rarely show the indignation or anger it needs. Sometimes we even turn our heads the other way. In extreme cases of gang-rape, the uproar against it last for a few hours, maybe a few days and then we all get back to our everyday schedules and the victim is left psychologically vulnerable and without hope and the initial uproar loses effect. We, as citizens, tend to act on the ‘that which doesn’t affect us, does not concern us’.  This is another attitude that needs to change. The only way to change this attitude is to come to the understanding that if we do not commit to fighting rape in this country, then its growth will be detrimental to our future generations. We underrate our power as citizens. Our government is chosen by us; hence we have the ability to put pressure on them in terms of our current legislation relating to rape. Punishment for rape is far too lenient, leading to the recent rapid increase of this crime in our country. By putting due pressure on politicians to intensify the punishment for rape, the lawmakers in our country will be obliged to change policies. 

Rape can lead to the spread of AIDS and unwanted pregnancies, not to mention the psychological trauma experienced by victims. These issues all need to be addressed in a compassionate manner to show support to rape victims and to strengthen the fight. Education plays an essential role in creating awareness. Apart from the adverts and pamphlets, organisations that are committed to the fight should be assisted in going to areas where rape is rife and educate citizens on what to do in vulnerable situations, where to get tested for HIV and where to obtain the ‘morning after’ pill to prevent an unwanted pregnancy. Included in such education should be the numbers of local police stations, helpline numbers and local social work groups to assist victims when they have no support.  This is not meant to encourage rape in any way, but instead to ensure that citizens are so well-informed that they may be able to get out of a compromising situation or help someone they know.

One of the manners in which techno-savvy rapists work is that they use fake profiles and cyber-stalking to attract victims, gain their trust and, after securing a meeting with said victim, rape them. This problem can be easily resolved, again, through education. It is difficult to stay away from the internet in a technologically advanced era, but we all need to exercise maturity and caution. Children and teenagers are the most vulnerable in this regard; hence parents need to gain sufficient techno-knowledge to be able to exercise parental control. By preventing loved ones from meeting strangers they met on the internet, this will aid the reduction of rape-statistics in South Africa.

The attitude of men plays a significant part in the reduction of this poison. A prime example of this is an organisation in South Africa called Brothers for Life. The organisation is aimed at changing the attitude of men with regard to their treatment of women, the fight against AIDS and rape, in order to breed positivity and hope in our society. They do this through creating awareness, encouraging and providing means to get tested for AIDS, educating people on the dangers of gender violence and acknowledging those who have played an active role in their fight against societal poisons. Organisations with such or similar objectives can inevitably be successful in changing and shaping the attitudes towards rape in our country.

Many South African citizens have lost hope in our government, our fight against societal poisons (like rape) and our future as a whole. This is, inevitably, the attitude that needs to change and is achievable through education, correct professional care and assistance, compassion and caution. Positive thoughts breed positive actions. If we can show citizens that there are ways to fight rape, the fight against the poison becomes stronger. The quote,

                “Don’t keep your daughters indoors; teach your sons how to behave” (Unknown)

is quite relevant in summing up how to go about finding the antidote to the poison – the fight against rape will only be successful if we start by adopting the correct attitude.

Ed Sheeran Appreciation Post

Things I wish I Truly Understood before Varsity

I wonder at which point during varsity the excitement and energy with which we enter first year fades to bitterness. Our first university exam? The first time we obtain marks lower than what we're used to? When you're so swamped with work that the thought of dropping out and getting married dares to cross you mind?

Due to the release of the matric results this week, most Twitter timelines were buzzing with anticipation. The first thought that crossed my mind when I opened Twitter was "Chill guys, A's mean nothing at varsity. Honestly, I'd take the stress of wanting to obtain an A over the stress of wanting to proceed into your next academic year of study. Because university is ten times worse". I then thought back to the night before my own results were released two years ago and realized that the only time I'd experienced more stress than that was the day of my driving test.

I literally had 45 minutes of sleep in 48 the hours between the day before results were released and D-day. And all I could think about was "WHAT IF I DONT GET ALL As. WHAT IF I DONT GET ALL As. WHAT IF MY As ARENT GOOD As". I refused to let anyone tell me my results - I wanted to find out by counting the brackets next to my name in the paper. I kept my mother up that night, driving out to the garages every two hours and repeated my doubt-filled mantra. Though, of course, we all have that university friend who brings you back to reality and tells you your marks when you least expect it. Although I don't often admit it, I'm glad he told me and put my out of my self-inflicted misery. I then zombie'd my way through the rest of the day, feeling more relieved than excited.

So there - all university students have been through the excitement and stress of final matric exams and receiving results (and receiving calls from aunties you have no memory of). And we also experienced the same disregard by university students during our finals period. I remember swearing that I'd never become one of those students who forgot the stress of matric.

Unfortunately, Class of 2013, you will, at some point, find yourselves disregarding future matriculants. University is exciting and liberating, but it also makes you view schools and education in a different light. In all honesty, school does not prepare you for change. The uniformity of school teaches you nothing about varsity, losing relationships or life in general. You think it's easy to maintain friendships with your school friends, but the truth is that unless you make an effort to remain in contact with them, you will slowly drift apart, simply because varsity allows you to grow and develop new interests and make your friends. The subjects you did in high school don't really prepare you adequately for university modules. You have to really put in the effort to stand out academically, because you're simply a student number to a lecturer. There will be times when you'll walk out your lectures more confused than when you entered because your lecturer's foreign accent is difficult to understand. There will be times when you will question your choice of degree, university and post-matric path in general.

BUT there are also a lot of wonderful things about university. You meet different people and you're at liberty to try out different things. You will learn to develop and voice your opinion. You will grow and, yes, you will change. You will learn to let go of insecurities and other things that hinder your growth as a person. You WILL probably go though some sort of existential crisis and question life. Albeit being just a number in the system, you will develop as an individual. Your academic focus will solely be on your chosen career path - no more Physics for Accounting students!

For now, just bask in the excitement of your results. You worked for it, so it's yours to rightfully enjoy. Take this level of energy and confidence with you into first year - not as arrogance, but as self-esteem and a will to push yourself so you're able to cope with the academic changes. Do yourself a favour and find out the stats for each year of study for your chosen degree - it's the only way you can truly determine its level of difficulty. Enjoy this long holiday. No seriously, university students get long holidays because we need it after a hectic semester. Don't wish your holidays away because you're bored - find something to do!

Shout out to my Alma Mater, Westville Girls' High School, for the excellent results! *inserts 62540792 tweets about WGHS here*

Hobbitsess and Stair-Surfing

After recently watching The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, I became little obsessed with J.R.R. Tolkien's world and decided that it was time for me to finally watch the Lord of the Rings. Yes, I know. It took me a decade to watch the movies. But to be honest, I'm happy I've only watched them now. I don't think I would have fully appreciated the depth of the story and its characters if I'd watched it when I was younger.

My favourite aspects were the Sam/Frodo bromance, the Legolas/Gimli bromance, Frodo's emotional, physical and mental journey, Eowyn's role, Legolas' stair-surfing, arrow-shooting badassery and Treebeard. The soundtrack is, by far, the BEST soundtrack I've listened to and I want it on my wedding playlist. The acting is fantastic and the trilogy definitely deserved every Oscar award, nomination and other accolades it received. If possible, I'd like to retire in Hobbiton. 

My favourite quotes/scenes from each of the movies:

The Fellowship of the Ring

Sam is about to take the furthest step he's ever taken from the Shire and Frodo tells Sam something Bilbo always told him:

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to." 

The Two Towers

You couldn't not love Sam, especially after this scene towards the end of the movie:

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam. 

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Return of the King

Of course this is going to be on my list of favourite scenes. It's one of the few scenes with female badassery.

Witch King: You fool. No man can kill me. Die now. 

[As he tries to strangle her, Merry stabs him in the leg. She is released and remoes her helmet]

Eowyn: I am no man.

***

I'm going to read the books. Obviously. Actually, I'm almost done with The Hobbit and during my next, reasonably long holiday I'll start with the trilogy. My best friend read it when we were in high school. She was apparently traumatized by its length and 'unnecessary' detail of scenery and refuses to watch the movies. From what I've gathered, though set in the same world as The Hobbit, it's not written in the same tone or light as its prequel. So the read should be interesting.

Just found out that J.R.R. Tolkien was born in Bloemfontein. Which is in my country. Which is Epiiiiiiiiiiic.

Oh, and also, Happy New Year!